coraline73

new blog
all i want for christmas is burning love
read it at amandapalmer.net (or here on myspace)

1) Had a meeting with LJ yesterday I'll type up my notes over the weekend for a progress report.

2) Since we got an enclosed back porch Roswell and Safetypin have taken up some sort of self-imposed guard duty that involves caterwauling to be let out every morning to they can check on the status of a) the bird invasion and b) whether or not that fiendish grey stray is walking through the yard (he's a rebel, I think they're secretly in love with him.) Well, since the snow fell this has been replace by c) complaining that we've opened the wrong door, they want the one without the snow please.

Finally yesterday Safetypin mustered up the nerve and went out for about 60 seconds, decided she didn't like the snow and came back in. Half an hour later Roswell worked up the nerve and walked out. The snow -- so fascinating! It must be examined!



After some time she did what any sentient, self-aware being would do and decided to use this medium for art -- to construct a cat of snow that would explain her view of the world, her emotions, her turmoil, her essence. After she constructed her art piece, she came back in -- satisfied, but a bit aloof after her triumph. We're having showings at 5:00 and 7:00 every night until it melts, with wine and cheese and cat treats.

Here is Roswell's snow sculpture:



I think it's beautiful. I'm going to get her a beret for Xmas.

Just a word,struggling with my mother in law's computer, to let you guys know that "The Lover's Tear" has been published by MusePie on The Fib's Review.
By request I also wrote three fibs in French for them - a first for me - so you can also try to work your way through "Les Mots", "Fenaisons" and "Eruption" as well.

So yesterday, I got this email entitled "The world needs more Evans" and it was one of those chain letters, you know the sort, you see it on snopes.com all the time -- some kid wants to collect ten thousand post cards before he dies, a soldier requests prayers for a fallen comrade, but this one -- i knew this one was true because I'd helped start it -- someone had forwarded me a letter from Evan's mother -- you remember Evan, the kid who gave his life savings, $47.65 to City Kitties, the stray cat rescue group (Copy of Evans original heartwarming letter here.) This person was asking if I might help spread Evans altruism this holiday season by forwarding this letter to some people. How awesome that Evan's boomerang would pass by me again.

You know that person in the office who's always sending you the emails about missing people, places you should boycott, similarities between Washington D.C. and Sodom -- why not send them a copy of this -- you might see yourself on snopes.com in a week:

Subject: The World Needs More Evans

I can barely explain this, and I can't help but brag about it. Evan saved up his allowance for months and donated $46.75 to City Kitties, the cat rescue from which we got our adorable (if mischievous) Macha. He wrote them a sweet note. They posted it on their Facebook page, and it went viral. Kyle Cassidy matched Evan?s donation to City Kitties and suggested that others do the same. At last count, it had been “retweeted” (I vaguely understand that) 147 times. Bloggers are linking back to other blogs. Within hours, City Kitties received more than $400 in donations, and they are still coming. Other people have donated to rescues in Arizona, Tennessee, California, Toronto, and locations unnamed, in Evan?s honor. A woman in Austin, Texas made a video requesting donations for her local animal shelter, and credited Evan with inspiring her to take the time to do so. Sample comment from the blogs: “the world needs more Evans.” We agree. J

You can see his note here (and elsewhere!):

http://kylecassidy.livejournal.com/570781.html

http://katemckinnon.wordpress.com/2009/12/18/the-world-needs-more-evans/

http://kemidra.livejournal.com/581514.html

Forgive our bragging! We are just astounded!

Happy holidays, everyone.

Lisa, Brett, and Evan

(in other news, we have heat -- perhaps it's a reward from above or perhaps it's just competent furnace repair people.)

go be awesome.




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Tonight, two houses on my street burned.

It puts all my problems into perspective.

I cannot believe how many people wanted to help me today, either with gifts, loans, advice or the most important thing... support. I feel much less alone now that I know many people have this sort of trouble as well.

My last post stands there... it's embarrassing that I was that emotional, that frustrated, and that honest. But I'll let it stand, because it's important.

I don't think anyone was injured in the fire, but I expect it still hurt. The block association (we're in it) will reach out to those who lost things in the blaze.



Love,
Beth

Awesome photographer kylecassidy posted this on Thursday (yes, I'm that far behind on reading. Shuddup!)

From City Kitties comes an amazing tail (yes tail) of a seven year old who saved up his allowance and gave everything he had, $46.75, to help homeless cats.



In Evan's honor I paypalled $46.75 to info@citykitties.org.

You can too.



And you can read City Kitties note about Evan here.

People from all over are donating money not just to City Kitties, but also to their own local shelters in Evan's honor. How awesome is this kid?

There are some things in my life that I'm not proud of. One is my relationship to money.

I grew up very poor, but not lacking. My parents tried, hard, but there were still times when we came home to utility shut off notices hung on the front door. I don't remember anything ever actually being turned off, and I had enough to eat always, but there were definitely times when money was nonexistent.

I don't manage money well. I think it's because I never learned how. I've started trying to educate myself, but it's been a difficult process. When I was in college, I signed up for the credit cards at the tables in the student union--- to get the "free" stuff-- and then used them, ended up in major trouble, and ruined my credit.

A few years ago, when I was working at my last, very fancy, well-paying job, I got a credit card from Capital One. It had an annual fee and a high interest rate, but I wanted to start to rebuild my credit.

It worked, for a while. I kept the balance low, even tried to pay it off every month. When I realized I was going to leave my job to take my dream job, which paid a lot less, I borrowed money from a friend and paid the (small) balance completely.

I took my dream job, which paid 60% less than the one before it. I was happy, but the salary only covered my usual budgeted expenses, and nothing else. So when unexpected expenses would come up, I put them on the card. Hell, I'll admit it, when dinner with friends would come up, I'd put it on the card. I am in the wrong in this situation. I kept expecting that I'd figure out ways to make money. I paid on the card, every month, more than the minimum balance.

But once I forgot. I can manage another person's life pretty well, but I suck at managing my own. And since the card had been hovering near the balance, the interest + late fee shot it up over, which incurred another fee, and which meant that the next month's payment was way more than I could afford.

And this is where I made the biggest mistake. I hid. Which is what I do when I don't have the money. And of course the over limit fee, the interest, the late payment fees all added up.

My best friend offered to loan me some money to pay it off. I looked up my account today to make the payment and saw that it went into collections yesterday. I also saw it was twice what it was when I stopped making payments.

I fucked up. Seriously. But I want to fix it. So I called the collections agency, Global Credit and Collections, Inc. I spoke to a man who was very polite and said there were two options. One was to set up monthly payments. I said I'd rather work out a lump sum because I feared falling behind in the monthly payments again. I also told him that I couldn't pull together $2,000 right now, and would $1500 be enough to close it off. That much I could borrow from friends.

He transferred me to a supervisor, Ken Walters. Ken then explained that they work on commission and so he wouldn't accept $1,500. I told him that even $1500 is a stretch for me. We went back and forth like this for a while and finally he snapped and said that it was obvious to him that I was a criminal who didn't want to pay off the debt, and that I was wasting his time, and that they could ruin my life. He threatened that if I didn't pay the full amount by tomorrow, I wouldn't ever be able to get a mortgage or car loan if I didn't pay immediately. He then said I have until 5PM tomorrow to come up with the full amount or else, and he hung up on me. He also said, "You don't want to go to jail over $2,000, do you?"

I held it together during the call but broke down as soon as he hung up. I posted on Twitter about the situation, and had a lot of people respond that they, too, have had problems like this. It made me feel much less alone, and much less worthless.

Worthless. A fucked up word to use over $2,000, right? But my inability to make my life work makes me feel worthless.

My life hasn't been working the past few months. I am stressed about money frequently, I am stressed about work constantly. My brain has been spiraling out of control on a regular basis. I'm not sleeping much or well. I love my family and my art and my life and my work but I'm also really fucking depressed and unstable. Simple tasks take five times as long as they did, because I cannot concentrate. It is a great effort even to hold a real conversation without being distracted by the noise in my head.

I tried to take a step to getting my life back by calling the collections agency. Instead of feeling empowered, I feel worse.

Someone asked why I don't just setup a Paypal button to take donations. There's a simple reason. Donations to cover vet bills to save animals is one thing. The cats I pick up from the street need and deserve the help.

I ran up this bill myself. It's my own inability to make my finances work that caused the problem. It's my impulse to hide when I don't have the cash to pay the bill that put me in this situation. It's the fact that I traded a stable income for happiness, and on some level that was a selfish, illogical choice. In short, this is MY FAULT and I cannot ask anyone else to fix it for me.

I tried calling Capital One directly. I can't deal with that collections agency after the way Ken Walters treated me. Capital One said they'd connect me to someone. I said I wanted to deal directly with them, not with Global Collections and Credit, Inc. The man said it would be someone from Capital One. This was good, because I've been yelled at enough today.

Well, low and behold, he transferred me to KEN WALTERS. Who answered with his name, which is how I got it. I told him I wouldn't deal with him, he said there was no one else, so I hung up.

And now... I'm not sure. I'm going to go through my room--- which is an entire other entry on how I compulsively save everything and am worried that one day I'll end up on Oprah's hoarders episode--- and figure out what I can list on eBay or etsy or CL. I won't have the money by tomorrow, but I'll figure out a way to do it. I WANT to pay the debt off, no matter what the bastard at Global says.

At this point, it's not even about the money. It's about how fucked up it is that a collections agent yelling at me makes me feel like I don't deserve any of the good things I have in my life. It's about the fact that I've been crying for an hour because even though I can design a book and merch a tour and run a rockstar's life I didn't fucking get it together to deal with my bills on time.

It's about the fact that I am incredibly ashamed to admit any of this, because it means that I'm not good at something, and I'm supposed to be good at everything. Beth of All Trades.

It's about the fact that I feel like recently I've been Beth of Fucking Everything Up.

Love,
Beth

More playing in the snow with trillian_stars.






Supposedly the furnace guys are coming today to drag the old heater out through nine feet of snow and bring in the new one. They hope to have everything connected by Wednesday. But until then it's ... coooold in Casa del Milla but what's having no heat if not the opportunity for adventure? We got trillian_stars' 1930 Electrola and some holiday 78 rpm records and ensconced ourselves downstairs in the Rock Star Hotel and pretended we were on vacation in a cabin in the woods. Looking out the windows all you can see is snow where it's drifted five feet up against the side of the house.

trillian_stars made gingerbread, I made chili, the cats acted like they've never been downstairs, we had hot chocolate, I worked on final edits for the kids book, which I now think should be called "A Bunny Named Swine" rather than "A Rabbit Named Swine". We piled a lot of blankets together, it was fabulous. The furnace guys are going to end our pioneer adventure, but I'm glad we had the experience.




Whether or not your home is filled with heat this year end season, I hope it's filled with love (and kittens).



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I'm going to go into greater detail with this in my Judaism blog, but for now, here is a glossing over of the topic:

Traditional Reform Judaism and Liberal Conservative Judaism are the same thing. There is an emphasis on studying the basics and even the esoterics of Judaism. Adherents embrace the modern world and try to make a Judaism that has evolved with the times. There is less stress on following the laws perfectly and more stress on a "thinking" Judaism.

More traditional versions of reform Judaism are moving towards more Hebrew in services and other "traditional" ways of doing things that the reformists threw out when the movement first began. Liberal Conservative Jews are loosening up a bit.

Conservative synagogues are more strict when it comes to things like dress codes trying to keep kosher.

The rabbi at my reform synagogue has a blog where you can take a peek into his mind:

http://cbatampa.blogspot.com/

The rabbi at the Conservative synagogue I might join posted a review about Who Framed Roger Rabbit:

http://motionpicturescomics.com/2009/12/14/guest-blogger-ethan-linden-discusses-who-framed-roger-rabbit/

A couple people wrote to ask about a new intrusive ad for Best Buy that has started running on Livejournal. I haven't seen it but apparently it takes up the whole screen and when it first started it auto-played audio (which is right up there with shooting someone's dog on my list of "thing's that it's uncool to do"). I asked LJ about it and heard back that it is indeed an official ad (some people were wondering if it was a virus or adware). They've removed the auto-play audio and added a button that is supposed to let you close it right away (rather than waiting for the animation to finish). There are no plans to stop running it as it's a big money maker. It should also not appear more than once every 24 hours.

I'm not sure if this is supposed to motivate people on the fence to upgrade to paid accounts, but I worry that people who are just starting out may be driven away because of it.

If you have questions or comments about this post them here and I'll forward them up the food chain. You may comment anonymously if you'd like.

Please repost as you see fit.

Thanks a bunch.

Your LJ user rep.

I think I have an unhealthy obsession with Trillian Stars.




Click to Embiggen



We're going into our second week with no heat at Casa Del Milla. It's not so bad, but we're a bit worried about the pipes freezing. The furnace fix-it people are supposed to be here tuesday to put in a new unit. Until then, we run around outside with no coats on and when we come back in, it feels a lot warmer than it did when we left.




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One of the elderly women at my synagogue came up to me after the service and congratulated me on getting into grad school. She asked if I'd be teaching in N'awlins. Then, she asked me if there were still a lot of black people there. When I said yes, she said she hoped I could teach them English instead of jive.

I laughed. In her face.

She walked away, offended.

Hi LJ!

If you have not seen this you should spend a few minutes with Amanda:



I have had a hard week. Things are looking up, but not completely sorted yet. Having a hard week can be good for perspective giving, you know.

There is reading and writing to be done, and holidays to prepare for. Oddly, being completely broke makes all of that feel less stressful, not more.

I got to hang with the Godchild for awhile this week. We wrote drabbles and made paper snowflakes. Love that we can still do these things together even though she is a teenager now.

I hope everyone is having a great winter holiday season. I am very excited that we are near the solstice. The return of the light is well worth celebrating in all its manifestations!

was going to write a long blog about the Lady Gaga Question.
wrote a ukulele song about it instead, played it in my kitchen with a flashlight and and posted it to youtube.

here it is:



may still write that blog but it may be moot.

it is fucking amazing how prolific my ukulele writing becomes when i have other important shit i'm really supposed to be doing.


xxx
afp

1) "and the winner is" -- cherie has judged fivecats the winner of the short fiction contest. Whee! Send me your address and I'll ship out your autographed Boneshaker. mcmatz wins my special auxiliary prize, send me your address for some unspecified goodies.

2) my 2xcreative project with Liz Afif is done! Now we need to figure out what to do with it. So I'm making a poll. It's 44 pages long and done up in full color, which makes it expensive to produce. *



Poll #1500598 Format for a Rabbit Named Swine
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 121

I would buy this book

Here are some excerpts so you can see how ... inappropriately awesome it is.





(This makes the perfect gift if you're the sort of aunt or uncle who likes to give things like fireworks and slingshots to the nieces and nephews or if you're the sort of person who likes having books on their coffee table that make guests go "What the heck is wrong with you? Really. Were you dropped on your head as a baby or something?")


* If you work for a company that prints booklets and you're going "I can totally print those better/cheaper" -- let me know.